Cabin Scene - Dimitri's POV
by Fictionlover2005
Summary: This is an expanded version of the cabin scene in Shadow Kiss (Vampire Academy book#3) told entirely from Dimitri's point of view.


Disclaimer: I do not own the original story, the characters, the plot, the dialogue, etc. They belong entirely to Richelle Mead. The only thing that is mine is my interpretation of this character's perspective during the cabin scene in Shadow Kiss, the third novel of the Vampire Academy series.

Warning: MATURE CONTENT! Not intended for young readers! Whatever the highest rating is, R, X, M (I didn't look it up) that is the rating that applies to this story.

I honestly don't remember the last time I'd been this close to breaking down but watching my Roza go through what she just had and, in actuality, still was has been one of the hardest things I've done in my life. For weeks now she'd been coming to me with her fears and concerns about the possible side effects of being bonded and shadow kissed to her spirit using best friend/charge but I hadn't really taken her seriously. I don't think I could or ever would regret anything more. While she'd been lost in the darkness I'd been so afraid that I had lost her forever. She may have been there physically, but emotionally and mentally the woman I love had completely disappeared; she'd been replaced with some dark version of herself whose lust for blood shocked and frightened me to the core. She'd always been a strong woman, but under the influence of that evil it had taken everything I had to hold her down. I knew I would have more than a few bruises come morning, but I'd take any amount of physical pain if it meant defeating the monster our charge had forced into her.

I'd been proud to call Princess Vasilisa Dragomir my charge; it was, after all, a great honor to be chosen as guardian to the last living member of the once exulted Dragomir Royal line. My respect and fondness for her had grown as I'd learned how different she was compared to most Royals, particularly those who carried a title as important as her own. She was humble, kind, and grateful for the sacrifices those of my race made on a daily basis. Unlike so many others she saw us as actual people, not just a thing to be used like a tool, weapon, or resource. In fact, she reminded me a lot of my former charge and best friend, Ivan Zeklos. I couldn't have been luckier, I'd been assigned to two such down to earth Royal Moroi. Because of them my role as a Guardian had become more than just a job or something I did strictly out of the duty inherent to my race. I'd committed myself, more than most, to their welfare and protection because they had proven themselves worthy of it, so worthy I would have laid my life down for theirs without thought, hesitation, or doubt.

Recently, however, things had changed. The respect I'd once felt for my charge was beginning to morph into resentment; resentment that continued to grow stronger all because of the girl underneath me. Roza had finally managed to fight through the darkness, acquired from Lissa, only to be taken over by depression. Nobody deserved this, especially not Rose; she was too special. She was one of the few people in this world who possessed true beauty, both inside and out.

Finally feeling it was safe to loosen my hold on her, I sat up and pulled her into my arms. Considering our roles, two Dhampirs destined to guard the same charge, it should not feel so right to hold her tightly against me with my arms surrounding and embracing her. And that wasn't even considering the fact that I was 7 years her senior and forced to wear the role of her teacher/mentor. Everything about us being together was wrong, but I'd stopped caring quite some time ago, or rather I'd stopped caring for myself. I hadn't stopped caring about what this could mean for her. While I may be willing to accept the consequences that would arise if someone learned of our complicated relationship, I was not prepared to watch her go down with me. If anyone discovered the truth about our relationship, the few stolen moments and the power of our emotional attachment, she would most likely be expelled and ostracized while I'd be fired and probably jailed. While I no longer cared about what happened to me, I refused for that to become her fate. She has been more of a guardian than novice for years and I would not allow myself to be the reason she lost that future; she was too talented and committed to her duty to be denied graduation and the receiving of her promise mark. I'd never met another with such potential and natural skill; there wasn't a doubt in my mind that she possessed the ability to become better than me. The problem, however, was that knowing logically that we could never truly be together was a great deal easier than not acting on feelings we had for each other. Especially since she made me, on a daily basis, want to not just bend but completely break the lines that separated right from wrong. Nor did it help that being near her, touching her, or holding in her in my arms felt more right than anything I'd ever experienced before.

I could feel her shaking in my arms and it broke my heart, she shouldn't have to go through this. This shouldn't be her burden to bare but I knew she'd never ask the Princess to stop using her magic; she was too selfless for her own good. "Oh, God," I heard her whisper, her voice as shaky as her body.

I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and stroking her face, "Rose, are you okay?" I asked even though I already knew she wasn't.

I watched as she tried to get her body and mind under control while forcing back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. I wished she wouldn't. I wished she didn't feel the need to be so strong all the time. "I...I think so, for now." The sadness and fear in her voice felt like a stake to the heart knowing this was one battle I could never fight for her.

"It's over," I said softly as I brushed the hair back from her face. "It's over, everything is all right." It felt like a lie and I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince, her or me.

She shook her head, her face and voice desperate, "no. It's not. You...you don't understand. It's true-everything I was worried about. About Anna? About me taking away spirit's craziness? It's happening, Dimitri. Lissa lost it out there with Jesse. She was out of control, but I stopped her because I sucked away her anger and put it into myself. And it's-it's horrible. It's like I'm, I don't know, a puppet. I can't control myself." No, I refused to believe that this was how her life would be from now one.

"You're strong. It won't happen again." At least not on my watch. I no longer cared that Lissa was my charge and the one I was supposed to prioritize over everyone else, including myself. I couldn't do it anymore; Rose now came first and if I was honest it had been this way from almost the minute I met her.

She struggled to sit up properly and her voiced cracked with emotion, "no, it will happen again. I'm going to be like Anna. I'm going to get worse and worse. This time it was bloodlust and hate. I wanted to destroy them. I needed to destroy them. Next time? I don't know, maybe it'll just be craziness, like Ms. Karp. Maybe I'm already crazy, and that's why I'm seeing Mason. Maybe it'll be depression like Lissa used to get. I'll keep falling and falling into that pit, and then I'll be like Anna and kill-."

I couldn't let her finish that sentence, even thinking about such a thing tore me apart. I needed to reassure both her and myself and I needed to pull her out of this downward spiral of despair. Keeping my voice gentle but firm, "NO! It won't happen to you. You're too strong. You'll fight it just like you did this time."

She looked at me in fear and desperation, "I only did because you were here." I couldn't take seeing her stripped of her usual bravado or being in this much pain. I wrapped my arms around her fully pulling her into my chest. "I can't do it by myself," I had to strain to hear her as her face was buried into the folds of my shirt and her voice was so quiet it barely qualified as a whisper.

She was beginning to lose herself to the depression (caused by fighting off the darkness that still lingered inside her) and it scared me. My voice shook with fear, fear of losing her combined with the fear of finally admitting to her how I felt. If there was ever a moment when she needed to know just how much I cared for her, it was right here and right now. "You can. You're strong-you're so, so strong. It's why I love you." I felt such relief at finally confessing the truth, but when her eyes closed and she sucked in a deep gulp of air, panic began to take over. What if she doesn't feel the same way about me?

"You shouldn't," she whispered and I could feel my heart start to crack. "I'm going to become something terrible. I might already be something terrible." I hated her words; how could she think she could ever be anything less than pure and good. But they also gave me hope. Maybe she wasn't telling me she didn't love me back? Maybe she was just trying to protect me, from her. All of it just made me love her more.

I pulled away slightly, cupping her face, and forced her to look me straight in the eye. "You aren't. You won't. I won't let you. No matter what I wouldn't let you." My voice was strong and determined because every word I'd said was the truth. And because of it or because I'd come so close to losing her forever I made a decision, a dangerous one, but one I knew was right. I was done fighting her and done fighting us. I loved her and I knew she loved me. I had to believe that fate brought us together for a reason and whatever that reason was it would allow us to find a way to be together. I don't know if it was what I said or that she'd reached the same conclusion that I had; regardless she slipped her arms around my neck and leaned into me. There was no way I was going to push her away, not now when she so desperately needed not just me but the knowledge of just how much I loved her. I met her halfway and the kiss we shared was so different from the one's we'd shared in the past. There was no darkness, guilt, despair, or anger, just love- sweet, blissful, and joyous love.

For once, neither of us pulled away and our kisses grew into something more, so, so much more. It was still full of love but our movements became more demanding and our tongues began a dance that spoke of need and desperation. Hunger, passion, and lust added to the power of the moment and the electricity that always hummed between us grew and surrounded us like a cocoon. The intensity of the moment reminded me of the time we'd fallen victim to Victor's lust charm, both of us feeling like we'd been taken over by something inside us that we were unable to control. I needed her, almost in the same way that I needed food or air. Her nails dug into me as if she was afraid I would suddenly disappear or push her away and I knew she was feeling a need as powerful as my own. I pushed her back on the bed and pulled her leg up, wrapping it around my waist. I had no interest in stopping this. I'd wanted and dreamed of doing this with her for far too long, but I had to give her the chance to say no. Pulling back slightly and looking into her eyes, my voice rough with lust I murmured, "we can't."

She looked back and said the one phrase I'd hoped she wouldn't, "I know." Disappointment and pain ran through me, freezing me in place for just a moment. I didn't want to leave the confines of her arms and when I eventually mustered up the strength to pull away she stopped me and pulled my lips back down to hers. My heart was not the only part of me that leapt up at her boldness and I could see in her eyes that she had no interest in stopping. She wanted this just as much as I did. All the walls we'd spent so much effort building between us fell down at our feet and passion and need took over. I wrapped myself around her knowing I'd never be able to get as close to her as I wanted. The intensity of our mutual desire had us all but ripping each other's clothes off. When she was left in just her bra and panties and I in my jeans and boxers, I forced myself to slow this down. Just because she often made me feel like a horny teenage boy it didn't mean I had to act like one. I wanted to worship her the way she deserved. I didn't want to just 'fuck her'. I wanted our first time together to be slow and meaningful, a physical representation of the love I held for her. No matter how hard it was to hold onto the tiny thread of self-control I still possessed, I would continue to do so and not just for her benefit but my own as well. I wanted to cherish this small piece of time we'd stolen and burn it into my memory.

She was absolutely stunningly beautiful and had a way of hindering my ability to think every time she touched me. It amazed me that even the most innocent of her touches could leave me breathless and quivering with need. Her hands, which had been busy running through my hair as we kissed, moved downward and began caressing and exploring the bare skin of my chest, back, and arms. Her touch, at first hesitant and shy, grew bolder with each small sound of pleasure that escaped my lips. Her lips smiled against mine when her fingertips brushed against the most sensitive parts of my chest and caused a shiver to move through me. How was it possible for her to have this much power over me? Compared to all the woman of my past even the smallest and softest of her touches was like the difference between a tsunami and a small wave. With every brush of her skin against mine my breath became more labored and my arousal more potent. Her eyes darkened with lust as I finally allowed her to know just how intensely she effected me. Despite the pleasure I was receiving from her explorations I wanted, even more, to touch and taste her, to feel every inch of her soft supple body. My mouth left hers and trailed kisses slowly downward starting at the sensitive spot just behind her ear. Her soft moans turned into a gasp when I, in one swift move, removed the bra covering her perfect breasts. Before she could even think of trying to cover her nakedness, I captured one of her breasts with my mouth, swirling my tongue around the hard erect nipple before gently biting down. She moaned, louder than before, and arched her back in response to the sensations I was creating. Replacing my mouth with my fingers I alternated between caressing and pinching as my lips resumed their downward path. With each kiss I realized I was murmuring her name, Roza, Roza, my Roza, over and over like a prayer. I made no effort to stop, why should I? She deserved my worship; since the moment I met her and until the day I die, she will always be my salvation.

When I reached the top of her black lace panties I tore them off, roughly, annoyed at the barrier they presented between my mouth and her hot wet core. But before I could do more than lightly kiss her sensitive nub I felt her pulling at my hair forcing me to bring my lips back to her own. I almost growled with the frustration of being prevented from tasting her until my ability to think disappeared when I felt her persistent tugging as she attempted to remove my jeans and boxers. I smiled inwardly as she let out a groan of frustration when the extremely obvious evidence of my intense arousal was proving to be a daunting obstacle to her objective of removing the last two remaining items of clothing left between us. I pulled away momentarily and assisted her in her goal while keeping my eyes glued to the perfection of her naked body. As she studied my own, now naked, body her skin began to flush and her chocolate eyes darkened even more in response to her increasing excitement. The sight was such a turn on I had to bite back a groan as my cock twitched under her lustful gaze. I found myself frozen in place as her eyes raked over me until she sat up and reached out to take me in her hand. My knees began to grow weak as she slowly and repeatedly stroked me from the base of my shaft all the way to its tip and back again, her movements becoming firmer and faster with each pass. It wasn't long before I had to pull her hand away and she looked at me in confusion. "Roza, you have no idea what you are doing to me, I'm too close, and I don't want to cum yet." Her face flushed and I stroked her cheek as I lowered myself to hover over her once more. "Don't ever feel embarresed and don't ever hide from me; you're mine just as much as I am yours." Proving I meant my words I crashed my mouth to hers and let loose all my love and passion into that one hard and demanding kiss. Without ending or altering the rhythm of my lips on hers, I shifted my weight to one side so my hand could freely study the curves and grooves of her body. Ever so slowly I trailed my fingertips over her breasts, down her rib cage, and past her stomach until finally reaching my goal- the oh so sensitive flesh between her legs. She gasped and moaned as I allowed my fingers to lazily outline her folds while pressing my thumb gently against her clit. Her hips thrust upwards begging for more, but I wasn't ready to give it to her yet. My mouth moved from hers to once more take possession of her breasts while I increased the speed and pressure of my hand, teasing her as I let the tip of my fingers push in just enough to move my ministrations from her outer folds to her inner ones. She moved beneath me desperately seeking more but I refused to give in, yet. "Please, Dimitri, just take me," she whimpered, her voice rough with need.

"No," I whispered in her ear my accent thick and heavy with the strength of my own desire. "I will not just take you like some teenage boy. Before I enter you I want you shaking with need, begging for the release only I can give you. I want you dripping with wetness and ready to take every inch of me. I have no intention of taking you, I plan on claiming you, making you mine and only mine. I want to make you cum so hard that you will never again even look at another man." I moved my head so I could look into her eyes, eyes that were now clouded by what I was making her feel. "Do you understand," I asked my voice husky and demanding. Before she could answer I slipped a single finger inside her making her thrust her hips up to meet my hand and screamed out in pleasure. I pulled out and thrust back in, "Do you, Roza, Do you understand?" I demanded of her as my hand moved both faster and harder. When she finally called out, her voice was thick and coated with her lust, "Yes, Dimitri...YES!" The last word practically a scream as without warning a second finger joined the first increasing the intensity of the sensations I was creating insider her. She was so wet it took everything in me to hold back from replacing my fingers with a much larger and harder part of me. Within minutes I could feel her walls begin to tighten and without mercy thrust a third finger deep inside her. I slightly curled my fingers bringing them in to contact with the most sensitive spots along her inner walls and the sounds she made as she lost herself in the pleasure I was giving her was like the sweetest most wonderful music I'd ever heard. I could feel how close to the edge she was and increased my pace, it took only seconds before she lost all control. The feel of her clamping down on my fingers and the beauty of her face as she succumbed to her release was almost enough, in and of itself, to make me cum with her. Her fingernails dug into my back and she hoarsely called out my name. As each wave over took her I could almost feel her pleasure and it made my heart swell with love. I slowed my movements down but didn't stop altogether until I felt her relax and melt into me. I held her close as the aftershocks moved through her and captured her lips with mine.

Unlike earlier, this kiss was gentle and sweet, bringing her down slowly from the high of her orgasm. It wasn't long, however, before the tempo of our lips moving against each other began to pick up once more. I ached for her in a way I never thought possible and knew she was the only woman who could make me feel this way. She completed me, heart, mind, body, and soul. I was grateful when her mouth became more urgent against mine, I wanted her and I couldn't hold myself back for much longer. As if she could sense the power of my need, her movements became more demanding until we were in perfect synch, meeting each other kiss for kiss, touch for touch, passion for passion, and need for need. Our hands roamed the other becoming increasingly more demanding and I felt myself grow so hard it was almost painful. I simply could not hold myself back for another moment and when I looked into her eyes I saw understanding, permission, and love. Gently nudging her legs far enough apart, I moved in between them lining myself up with her entrance. My heart began to race with anticipation and excitement as my breathing became even more labored then before. Bracing my weight on my elbows and knees I ran my hands through her hair, captured her lips with my own, and as slowly as possible pushed myself inside her. Millimeter by millimeter I moved deeper into her core; I could feel animalistic passion threatening to take over as part of me protested against the agonizingly slow pace. I pushed it back, even as wet as she was, she was also incredibly tight surrounding me like a glove and I was afraid of hurting her with my size.

I didn't want to hurry this, I wanted to cherish it. I wanted to feel every part of her and linger in the haze of pleasure she was giving me. The deeper I moved inside her the more my love seemed to grow and I honestly didn't think it could get any better until the inward movement of my manhood was suddenly halted by I barrier I hadn't, but should have, expected. For a brief second my mind traveled back in time to the moment I'd first realized just how strong my attraction to her was. In a haze of jealousy I'd chastised her harshly after finding her clad in a black lace bra and in the arms of Jesse because he was not me. I remembered, all too clearly, one of things she'd said to me, "I get into that type of situation all the time..." It had infuriated and haunted me, forcing me to imagine her doing just what we were doing now with other men, men who were not me. I couldn't help but feel, simultaneously, guilt and joy that I'd misread her meaning. Maybe she had shared kisses with a fair number of boys; she was, after all, more than beautiful enough to have caught the eye of more than a few teenage boys and grown men. On more occasions than I wished to recall I'd seen them ogling her and each time I'd had to struggle to restrain myself from tearing them limb from limb. But no matter how many of them she'd given a kiss or two, she'd denied them what she was now giving me– her innocence, her virginity. Her slightly amused eyes told me everything; I was the one she wanted, I was the one she loved, and I was the only one she'd ever trusted enough show such vulnerability and intimacy.

I'd never taken someone's virginity before, not even when I had lost my own. I'd never wanted to, until now anyway. Before Rose I'd never cared for or trusted anyone enough to want to hold something as special or important as their innocence. I know my views on this issue would fall under the heading of double standard, but I felt that taking a woman's virginity should be an act of love not something done in a moment of lust. I hadn't realized I'd frozen up until my Roza whispered so softly I almost couldn't hear her, " Please...don't stop," as if she was afraid that realizing she was a virgin would make me pull away from her. Had she been anyone else I would have, but what we were sharing was not simply a meaningless moment of fun nor was she just some random woman whose name I would always struggle to remember. She was the woman I loved with all my being. I leaned down and kissed her gently before bringing my lips to her ear and whispering, "I love you, Roza," and then with one quick hard thrust I buried myself completely inside her and, in an almost literal sense, claimed her as mine and mine alone. The feel of her surrounding me was undescribable, as in I simply didn't have words that could adequately describe just how powerful this feeling was. She surrounded me like a glove, so much so it was like she'd been molded specifically to hold and fit me, and me alone.

The need to thrust myself in and out of her was overwhelming, but I'd felt her tense up in pain as I'd forced myself through the barrier that had physically represented the transition between being a girl and the woman I'd just turned her into. I forced my hips to remain still, allowing her to become adjusted to my size and the sensation of being filled so completely, and instead put my energy into kisses and caresses. As I stroked her body amd reignited her passion I whispered in her ear all the things I'd wanted to say for so long. I felt an almost physical need to make her understand the power of my love for her. She had to know that no other woman ever had or ever could provoke me to feel the things she did on a daily basis . I held nothing back from her, I couldn't have even if I wanted to, certainly not in this moment when we were finally joined as one. Even if I'd tried it would have been a pointless exercise, she could see straight into my soul just as I could see into hers. After a couple of minutes I felt her relax and could see it in her eyes when the pain was replaced by her quickly returning arousal. Even knowing she was ready for me I continued to hold myself still. I needed her to understand that in this we were true equals and that meant, for the moment, allowing her to have full control of the situation. She seemed to understand what I wanted and her hips began to move underneath mine, so seductively she snapped the last vestige of my self-restraint. I lost myself in the experience, no longer able to consciously control my movements, my words, or the moans of pleasure that could not be held back. As we moved together in perfect synch, thrust for thrust, kiss for kiss, and touch for touch I understood for the first time in my life the difference between having sex and making love. I may have more than enough experience with the former but I was as much of a virgin as my Roza when it came to the latter. The world around us faded away leaving only me and her and the love we were expressing. Her intoxicating scent, the softness of her skin, the silkiness of her hair, the sheer ecstasy of being tightly held within her, and the love we shared became the only things that existed in the world we were creating together. I wanted this moment to last forever but much too soon I could feel my release building up within me. "Roza, Roza, Oh God..love, I can't hold back any longer. Please...baby, cum with me, just let go and cum with me." I locked my eyes with hers and in them I saw the power of her release overtake her just a second before I felt it. She began to spasm tightly around me and the intensity of it was too much for me to take and with a strangled cry of absolute and overwhelming pleasure I let go and fell over the edge with her.

My heart still racing and my breath no more than shallow panting, the world around us slowly began to take shape once more. I rolled off of her, afraid I might crush her, as my arms had lost the ability to take my weight. When my breathing and heart rate began to return to normal I turned onto my side and just stared at her in awe and wonder. If I'd been asked before today if I'd ever had really great sex, I would have said yes and believed it. But I would have been wrong. What I'd just experienced with my Roza...well, there simply aren't words... I'd never imagined the sensations she'd made me feel were possible and I'd certainly never had a release even a fraction as powerful. I'd never felt as happy as I did right now and the only thing I wish I could change was that I'd waited for her just like she'd waited for me.

I had no clue what time it was or how long we'd been here. I knew we'd have to leave soon before Alberta sent out a search team but I just couldn't bring myself to pop the happy bubble we were in just quite yet. Truthfully I don't know if I even could if I wanted to, unbelievably the aftershocks of my orgasm were still running through me and my body was so relaxed I wasn't sure if I could even stand. I pulled her to me and she turned slightly entwining our limbs and laying her head on my chest right over my heart. We just laid there together perfectly content, neither one feeling the need to speak. Silence was never uncomfortable between us and I realized she was the only person I've ever known for whom I'd never once felt the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. It was just one of about a million and one reasons why I loved her so entirely. Everything about her enchanted me and I couldn't help but wonder how it was even possible for this one woman to have become so essential to me in such a short period of time? Nor would I ever understand how, despite the amount of tragedy, death, and violence I'd experienced, she could bring me such peace. I kissed her forehead and whispered, "I love you Roza."

Out of nowhere I remembered what that woman at court, Rhonda, had warned me of and automatically my arms tightened around her. I wasn't sure exactly what it was that I was going to lose, but I had a strong suspicion that if it wasn't Rose, herself, it would still be something that would cause me to lose her anyway. Even the thought of losing her made me panic. I didn't have the strength to survive her loss, I had no doubt it would be worse than my own death. I don't know if what I did next was because of we had just done or the morbid thoughts running through my head, maybe it was a combination of both. Regardless, I found myself opening my mouth and promising her something, something I had no right or ability to promise. But I made the vow anyway and knew that, no matter what it took, I would go to the ends of the earth to keep it. "I'll always be here for you, I am not going to let anything happen to you." She looked up at me, her eyes wide and filled with a mixture of fear, love, and wonder. I knew she understood just how dangerous my words were, that as a guardian I had no right, what so ever, to make such a promise to anyone other than my charge, especially not to another Dhampir. Right or wrong she had become my first priority and I didn't need to say or hear a single word to know she understood this or for me to also know that it worked in reverse. Despite the fact that it was unnecessary, she chose to vocalize the status change anyway, with a vow of her own. "And I won't let anything happen to you. I love you." I have no idea what she would have said next because the power of the promises we'd just made, promises that could easily land us in jail and tried for treason, overwhelmed me. I pulled her even more tightly against me and kissed her with everything I had in me. I kissed her the way I would if I knew one or both of us was about to die and this kiss was our only option for saying goodbye. I had no choice but to kiss her this way because I knew just how much it meant for her to say the words she just had. Rose was a guardian, through and through. For her it was not a job or even just a matter of duty; guarding Lissa was her calling. What she had just done... yes, she would still protect Lissa with everything in her and yes, she would most likely die for her as well... but from here on out it was me that she would live for. I may not feel as strongly as she did when it came to our job, but I understood her enough to know she'd given me the most precision thing she ever could, even more so than her innocence, and for me it was enough. It was enough to strengthen and motivate me to do whatever I needed to make sure that, no matter what, we would find a way to be together, in any way we could. I didn't need marriage, I didn't need children, I didn't even need to see her every day; what I did need was for her to be mine and for me to be hers, always.

We both knew this small window of stolen time was very rapidly coming to an end, so we did the only thing we could with what was left- hold on to each other with all our might. I had finally accepted that she had become my entire life. I had decided that I would no longer keep myself hidden from her, at least when we were alone. I couldn't, however, allow us to get caught. I wanted so badly to tell the world she was mine, but I couldn't- not yet. If we were discovered, especially doing what we'd just done, the consequences, while still worth it, would be bad, to say the least. I didn't care about what happened to me (not even if it meant being fired, stripped of my title,, and/or being thrown in jail), but I did care about what happened to her. If we were caught she would be expelled and lose every chance she had to become an official guardian, let alone the one I knew she had the potential to be. So lost in thought it took me a second to realize she'd broken the silence. "Do you remember Victor's lust charm?" she asked, out of the blue.

I'd been so busy thinking about our situation, that it took another moment to register what she'd just asked. "Of course," my tone of voice mirroring my thoughts on the subject, 'you're insane if you thought I could ever forget that'.

On her face appeared an emotion that took me a couple of minutes to decipher; I swear she looked timid. It was so out of place I was actually shocked; Rose may be a lot of things but timid was not one of them. I had no idea what to say or do but she didn't seem to expect to do anything. She just looked down and her face blushed crimson, "I didn't realize it could get better. I thought of it all the time...what happened between us." I felt such tenderness for her in that moment I didn't know how to properly express it. While I was certainly no virgin, this was the first time I'd ever been in love, just as it was the first time I'd been in a real meaningful relationship. Roza always said I had a way with words, or zen master bullshit as she called it, but expressing things like my emotions was not a skill I'd mastered; hell, I'd never even practiced. Stalling for time I wrapped us up in the blankets creating a sort of cocoon, a small warm place where we could pretend that nothing existed in the world besides us. I finally settled on just being as honest as possible, "I did too."

She looked shocked at my admission, 'you did? I thought...I don't know. I thought you were too disciplined for that. I thought you'd try to forget it." I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of thinking that I could ever forget even a moment of that night.

I trailed kisses along her neck and jaw line while I murmured, "Rose how could I forget being naked with someone as beautiful as you?" I locked my eyes with hers before continuing, "I stayed awake so many nights, replaying every detail. I told myself over and over that it was wrong, but you're impossible to forget." I resumed my kisses, this time along her collarbone, "You're burned into my mind forever. There is nothing, nothing in this world that will ever change that." I meant every word I'd just said. I couldn't even begin to count how many nights I'd laid awake tossing and turning as my mind obsessed over Rose and what we had done that night. For weeks I refused to change or wash my sheets as her scent lingered there mingling with my own. I was too embarrassed to admit to her that I still had the pillow case folded in a ziploc bag to preserve the scent of her hair as it had laid upon my pillow. Sometimes I'd wake up almost shaking with need from my erotic dreams, always of her, and open the bag allowing her smell to wash over and calm me. I knew that tomorrow I would come back to this cabin and take this pillow case as well. I was well aware how sappy and practically stalkerish that was, but I couldn't help it, she'd turned me into some love sick needy teenage boy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It wasn't much longer before we both agreed that as much as we wanted to stay, it was time to go. Our attempts at redressing were hindered by how often we stopped to share a kiss or admire the others body, relishing in the knowledge that it was a sight we'd only ever allow the other to see. For just a few more brief stolen moments I held her now fully clothed body tightly against my own wishing I never had to let go. Unfortunately the moment passed and with sighs of sadness but hearts now filled with hope we began our walk through the forest, heading back to campus and the roles we hated but still had to play. But it was worth it, all of it, because for now, and hopefully many more times in the future, her hand was exactly where it belonged, intertwined with my own.


End file.
